Online Diary
Just stopping by to say..
โฅ (๐๐ฉ๐ช๐ด ๐ด๐ฉ๐ฐ๐ถ๐ญ๐ฅ ๐ฃ๐ฆ ๐ฎ๐บ ๐ซ๐ฐ๐ถ๐ณ๐ฏ๐ข๐ญ ๐ฆ๐ฏ๐ต๐ณ๐บ ๐ง๐ฐ๐ณ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ฆ ๐ฅ๐ข๐บ) ๐๐ฏ๐ฅย the internetย ๐ฑ๐ณ๐ฐ๐ฃ๐ข๐ฃ๐ญ๐บ ๐ฅ๐ฐ๐ฆ๐ด๐ฏโ๐ต ๐ฆ๐ท๐ฆ๐ฏ ๐ฅ๐ฆ๐ด๐ฆ๐ณ๐ท๐ฆ ๐ต๐ฉ๐ช๐ด ๐ฎ๐ถ๐ค๐ฉย ๐ท๐ถ๐ญ๐ฏ๐ฆ๐ณ๐ข๐ฃ๐ช๐ญ๐ช๐ต๐บ ๐ง๐ณ๐ฐ๐ฎ ๐ฎ๐ฆ. ๐๐ถ๐ต ๐ฉ๐ฆ๐ณ๐ฆ ๐จ๐ฐ๐ฆ๐ด: โฅ
ย
๐๐ ๐๐ก๐ก ๐ฃ๐๐๐ ๐๐ง๐๐๐ฃ๐๐จ ๐ฌ๐๐ค:
ย
๐. Pray for you, check on you, lift you up, hold you accountable, declare life over you, break curses off you
ย
๐. Laugh with you, make fun of you, let you make fun of them, understand you, know you even when you donโt talk about whatโs going on, can see through you, but also live for the long dialogue about nothing and everything at the same time.
ย
๐. Donโt hold unhealthy expectations and donโt project their own rejection on to you in an unfair way, are there for you even when you donโt always talk. when ever you do talk, you donโt lose any time because itโs about the quality of the connection.
ย
ย
I had more on the list but I wanted to make it short.
ย
I think I keep most people in group number 2. I also think I keep myself in this place on the list. Not sure why I like to stay there. Maybe I keep myself there all the time and itโs just a part of my personality. Iโve always struggled with expressing myself fully outside of music. Music has always been my personal diary. Itโs always been there for me. And Iโve always used it to channel what ever was on my heart. My brother and I (and most of my friends) have always used humor to deal with things. As a man, I feel cringe or even a sense of mundane when it comes to certain emotions or the idea of reacting to certain emotions. Like.. why even feel them. Half the time I donโt. I thought because I donโt show my emotions and I have learned to control them or not react to them that it meant I was more emotionally in tuned than i really was. I asked my wife about it because I really thought I was more in tuned than most people, and she said โwell, your sentimentalโฆ but not really in tuned with your emotions because you often donโt feel anything or donโt know what you feel.โ
ย
When I got saved I figured.. spiritual maturity meant not being led by my emotions.. which I am not. But am I just suppressing them? Or am I just chilling. Am I supposed to feel more than I do?
ย
Is that what most guys are like? Thatโs mostly how Iโve always been. I donโt see much sense in being emotional.. perhaps I just process logically more than with my emotions?
ย
Itโs something Iโve been thinking about for a while. Because.. my favorite thing to do is joke around. Lol
ย
My Brain is constantly joking about something so I remain entertained always. Itโs a side affect of growing up with adhd
ย
But maybe thereโs more to it, idk. I feel like Iโm learning myself even more these days. I sometimes wonder if some of โmeโ has to do with moving around like I did. Never being able to open enough to voice an opinion because mine never really mattered. As soon as Iโd open up Iโd leave again so why express it? Which was why music was always a go-to. My fam was always there but not there. But everything changed when I encountered God and especially His amazing presence.. it shifts everything. I got healing everywhere.
ย
The only thing I can really react to is the presence and anointing of God. Either I get very serious as I discern the moment or my emotions stir up within. Or I get very grateful when He comes in. I never want to make whatโs Holy and sacred become too familiar to me to where Iโm not amazed. Because that very presence saved my life.
ย
Anyways. My point is. I donโt want to just stay the friend that laughs and points at you just to appease myself. And maybe I donโt have to be emotional, maybe it doesnโt take that to be a better friend. Maybe I just gotta be there. That I can do. I want to be the friend that not only laughs with you (and at you) but who prays for you. In a real and genuine and powerful way. And I donโt need to feel emotional for that lol. I donโt have to feel anything (I donโt think)
ย
So if you catch me anywhere. Help me practice. Let me pray for you. And pray for me. Iโm just trying to be a better human one here.