Online Diary

Just stopping by to say..

โ™ฅ (๐˜›๐˜ฉ๐˜ช๐˜ด ๐˜ด๐˜ฉ๐˜ฐ๐˜ถ๐˜ญ๐˜ฅ ๐˜ฃ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ฎ๐˜บ ๐˜ซ๐˜ฐ๐˜ถ๐˜ณ๐˜ฏ๐˜ข๐˜ญ ๐˜ฆ๐˜ฏ๐˜ต๐˜ณ๐˜บ ๐˜ง๐˜ฐ๐˜ณ ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ฅ๐˜ข๐˜บ) ๐˜ˆ๐˜ฏ๐˜ฅย the internetย ๐˜ฑ๐˜ณ๐˜ฐ๐˜ฃ๐˜ข๐˜ฃ๐˜ญ๐˜บ ๐˜ฅ๐˜ฐ๐˜ฆ๐˜ด๐˜ฏโ€™๐˜ต ๐˜ฆ๐˜ท๐˜ฆ๐˜ฏ ๐˜ฅ๐˜ฆ๐˜ด๐˜ฆ๐˜ณ๐˜ท๐˜ฆ ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ช๐˜ด ๐˜ฎ๐˜ถ๐˜ค๐˜ฉย ๐˜ท๐˜ถ๐˜ญ๐˜ฏ๐˜ฆ๐˜ณ๐˜ข๐˜ฃ๐˜ช๐˜ญ๐˜ช๐˜ต๐˜บ ๐˜ง๐˜ณ๐˜ฐ๐˜ฎ ๐˜ฎ๐˜ฆ. ๐˜‰๐˜ถ๐˜ต ๐˜ฉ๐˜ฆ๐˜ณ๐˜ฆ ๐˜จ๐˜ฐ๐˜ฆ๐˜ด: โ™ฅ

ย 

๐™’๐™š ๐™–๐™ก๐™ก ๐™ฃ๐™š๐™š๐™™ ๐™›๐™ง๐™ž๐™š๐™ฃ๐™™๐™จ ๐™ฌ๐™๐™ค:

ย 

๐Ÿ™. Pray for you, check on you, lift you up, hold you accountable, declare life over you, break curses off you

ย 

๐Ÿš. Laugh with you, make fun of you, let you make fun of them, understand you, know you even when you donโ€™t talk about whatโ€™s going on, can see through you, but also live for the long dialogue about nothing and everything at the same time.

ย 

๐Ÿ›. Donโ€™t hold unhealthy expectations and donโ€™t project their own rejection on to you in an unfair way, are there for you even when you donโ€™t always talk. when ever you do talk, you donโ€™t lose any time because itโ€™s about the quality of the connection.

ย 

ย 

I had more on the list but I wanted to make it short.

ย 

I think I keep most people in group number 2. I also think I keep myself in this place on the list. Not sure why I like to stay there. Maybe I keep myself there all the time and itโ€™s just a part of my personality. Iโ€™ve always struggled with expressing myself fully outside of music. Music has always been my personal diary. Itโ€™s always been there for me. And Iโ€™ve always used it to channel what ever was on my heart. My brother and I (and most of my friends) have always used humor to deal with things. As a man, I feel cringe or even a sense of mundane when it comes to certain emotions or the idea of reacting to certain emotions. Like.. why even feel them. Half the time I donโ€™t. I thought because I donโ€™t show my emotions and I have learned to control them or not react to them that it meant I was more emotionally in tuned than i really was. I asked my wife about it because I really thought I was more in tuned than most people, and she said โ€œwell, your sentimentalโ€ฆ but not really in tuned with your emotions because you often donโ€™t feel anything or donโ€™t know what you feel.โ€

ย 

When I got saved I figured.. spiritual maturity meant not being led by my emotions.. which I am not. But am I just suppressing them? Or am I just chilling. Am I supposed to feel more than I do?

ย 

Is that what most guys are like? Thatโ€™s mostly how Iโ€™ve always been. I donโ€™t see much sense in being emotional.. perhaps I just process logically more than with my emotions?

ย 

Itโ€™s something Iโ€™ve been thinking about for a while. Because.. my favorite thing to do is joke around. Lol

ย 

My Brain is constantly joking about something so I remain entertained always. Itโ€™s a side affect of growing up with adhd

ย 

But maybe thereโ€™s more to it, idk. I feel like Iโ€™m learning myself even more these days. I sometimes wonder if some of โ€œmeโ€ has to do with moving around like I did. Never being able to open enough to voice an opinion because mine never really mattered. As soon as Iโ€™d open up Iโ€™d leave again so why express it? Which was why music was always a go-to. My fam was always there but not there. But everything changed when I encountered God and especially His amazing presence.. it shifts everything. I got healing everywhere.

ย 

The only thing I can really react to is the presence and anointing of God. Either I get very serious as I discern the moment or my emotions stir up within. Or I get very grateful when He comes in. I never want to make whatโ€™s Holy and sacred become too familiar to me to where Iโ€™m not amazed. Because that very presence saved my life.

ย 

Anyways. My point is. I donโ€™t want to just stay the friend that laughs and points at you just to appease myself. And maybe I donโ€™t have to be emotional, maybe it doesnโ€™t take that to be a better friend. Maybe I just gotta be there. That I can do. I want to be the friend that not only laughs with you (and at you) but who prays for you. In a real and genuine and powerful way. And I donโ€™t need to feel emotional for that lol. I donโ€™t have to feel anything (I donโ€™t think)

ย 

So if you catch me anywhere. Help me practice. Let me pray for you. And pray for me. Iโ€™m just trying to be a better human one here.

Leave a comment